It certainly isn’t for lack of ideas that I don’t write. I realize it truly is the discipline to sit down and put
pen to paper that is the craft of writing.
I’d like to be a great accomplished writer straight out of the gate, but
accomplishment comes from practice. The
only way to get good at anything is to do it over and over again. There are reminders everywhere in my own life
and the lives of those around me that show me this. It is funny how I have those built in forgetters or think I should be "different". One of the things Ann Lamott posts over and over is that if you want to be a writer you just have to sit down and write. It doesn’t matter whether it is good or bad,
just make the time. So, again, here I sit
and thank Ann for the courage.
The next questions that nag at me still are, why am I writing, to
who am I writing for, why do I feel inspired to write??? I know
inspiration is something inherent in each of us. Each time you breathe, you fill with
inspiration, literatlly and figuratively. The breath is such a simple
analogy and one I use quite often as a yoga teacher. It is the one thing we can always come back
to, it simplifies and defines life in that it conspires to not only give us
physical life, but inspire us to greatness, to vulnerability, to truth, if we
pay attention to it, if we practice paying attention to it.
As I have struggled these last four weeks (when I started
this blog it was only two) to write and have come up with tons of ideas for
blogs (at least a dozen good ones) I always have something better to do. It took me years to find a steady meditation
practice, not because I didn’t feel great affects from it, but because I
couldn’t find the motivation or drive to do it daily. Sleep seemed more valuable, spending time
with my son, doing my asana, walking the dogs, going to work, making homemade
meals, helping friends, ad infinitum.
These are all very valid strong life affirming activities, but in my
heart I know I needed to meditate daily.
I can still be a moody person, with a tendency to react in anger over
the slightest injustice to me or in the world. Meditation created space and allowed life to
come to me, rather than knee jerk react my way through every situation. After trying for many years and coming back
to the practice over and over again, I began to see the value and recognize how it
enhanced my life, made all the above activities richer and allowed me to be
more “present” within them. I now have a daily meditation practice. It was a joy, a struggle and many come to “Jesus”
moments, but it found and devoured me. It has its peaks and valleys like any
other relationship, but now I am committed to it.
So… with that written and me figuring out while I
am writing this what one practice has to do with the other, it seems much clearer. I have already put myself out
there once, you have begun to hear me clear my writing throat and nothing
imploded and temples didn’t crumble under the heresy of my voice. The demons of fear have been quieted a
bit, so now what is my excuse? Still a
bit of that fear, but really it is good old fashioned discipline, not a
punishment, but literally being a disciple of my desires answering the call of
making meaning of my life. I hired
someone to coach me, she suggested I write a couple times a week and that doesn’t seem so
hard, right? Yet, here I am at the end
of the two weeks (ahem, four weeks) since our session and I am just taking my
first 20 minutes to write this. I am
enjoying it, I will go back and edit and re-read many times (I have now put
more than a couple hours into editing/rewrites) but really was that so
hard (nope!).
Everything in life teaches me, when I am willing to
learn. My yoga and meditation practice
(one is not really separate from the other, but that is for another blog) have
taught me the benefits of taking the time to do what makes me feel good, do
what lights the fire of inspiration inside of me. I literally feel lighter in my
physical body and mind and everything seems to come together when I answer to my desire. The key is to do it, whatever
inspires you, it is important to recognize your desires but more importantly answer
to them. The only difference between
successful people and ones that feel “stuck” is the ability to just do it (for Pete's sake!).
I feel free when I
write. With freedom comes vulnerability,
and yes, I know, when I expose myself there is the chance to be hurt. I will end this post with one of my favorite
quotes by Anais Nin “and the day came
when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took
to blossom".
The answer is clear… To write.